The Life of the Mind

Mark Noll describes the life of the mind as:

“…the effort to think like a Christian—to think within a specifically Christian framework—across the whole spectrum of modern learning, including economics and political science, literary criticism and imaginative writing, historical inquiry and philosophical studies, linguistics and the history of science, social theory and the arts…to think like a Christian the nature and workings of the physical world, the character of human social structures like government and the economy, the meaning of the past, the nature of artistic creation, and the circumstances attending our perception of the world outside ourselves” (The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind, p. 7).

In other words, the life of the mind works to understand a subject and measuring its validity.

Attending a Christian college that strives to integrate faith into learning does not automatically apply Noll’s concept.  John Brown University, for example, does a wonderful job in encouraging us to explore all aspects of God’s creation, to passionately pursue knowledge and truth, and to gain a solid understanding of this world.  Yet, the JBU faculty cannot make us think like Christians.  It can only teach and encourage.  We must be willing to let God transform our minds into truth-seekers founded on His Word.  It does not take as much effort to learn a subject well as it does to engage in the subject and weigh it against scriptural truth.  To engage in something, one must ask questions and strive for understanding about why that something works the way it does or is the way it is.  So much depends on our attitude, though.  We have to be willing to grow intellectually and must learn from Jesus’ parable about the three servants by investing our minds in knowledge instead of burying them in the ground of willful ignorance.

Well, now I would like to know, how did North America fall into an apathetic, intelligence-lacking evangelical mind?  And, how can I tell if I or another person lacks evangelical intelligence?  How does one discern something like this?

Intrinsic Goodness

Clifford Williams presents his definition of intrinsic goodness in “Is Thinking Good for Its Own Sake?”  Here is the definition in my words: Intrinsic goodness has neither a need of a lawyer to prove its goodness nor a manufacturer to construct its goodness.  In other words, intrinsic goodness just is.  It does not need to be explained or to be made good.  It simply is.  And I confess.  Even after reading that intrinsic goodness can do without justification, I still want to know why it is good and what makes it good.  I wish I had the answers.  All I know is that sometimes, things just are.  Intrinsic goodness is one of those things.

Is there any intrinsic goodness left in this fallen world?  Yes, as a matter of fact.  I can name at least twenty intrinsically good things:

1.         God Himself is intrinsically good (and I must say that I am slightly surprised that Williams did not place Him in his list.)

2.         Playing musical instruments like the piano, guitar, violin…

3.         Sunshine

4.         Colors

5.         Dancing

6.         Laughter

7.         Singing

8.         Splashing creeks

9.         Swinging

10.      Snow

11.      Prayer

12.      Home-cooked meals

13.      Family

14.      Reading

15.      Climbing trees

16.      Traveling across the world

17.      Building new relationships

18.      Changing seasons

19.      Growing in faith

20.      Holidays

21.      Mountains

22.      Zip-lining

23.      Baking

24.      Gardens

I remember an assignment in my biology class that involved going outside and spending an hour outside.  For the first ten minutes we had to be perfectly still.  I was not very excited about this project because I did not want to give up a whole hour in my already packed day.  However, during those first ten minutes, I found it so peaceful and good to just be still.  There was not exactly a benefit from being still because instead of resting for an hour, I had to be alert and take note of what was happening within the nature around me.  Basically, I just stopped and drank in nature for that hour.  It was intrinsically good because the assignment really did not have a point—there was no way to justify it or make it good.  Honestly, the long and short of it is that it was good to sit quietly in nature for an hour, but I cannot explain why it was good.  It just was.

Questions:

On page 32, Williams quotes John Henry Newman’s The Idea of a University: “Knowledge is a state or condition of mind, and since cultivation of mind is surely worth seeking for its own sake, we are thus brought once more to the conclusion…that there is knowledge, which is desirable, though nothing comes from it.”  I completely agree that knowledge is desirable, but I want to know, why is it intrinsically good even if it is not useful?

Can we humans produce an item or an action that is intrinsically good?  Why?  How?  Since we have fallen into sin, and though we can be redeemed through Christ we still battle with sin every day of our lives, how can we do anything intrinsically good?

What's the Point?

Paulo Freire, author of Pedagogy of the Oppressed (my reading assignment for Honors Orientation this week), suggests that most education systems within a classroom setting are more like “banks” than actual education.  In other words, Freire argues that children in school are not truly learning; they are simply being filled with information as banks are filled with money.  Children are taught facts and information, but they are not learning to use this knowledge to grow their understanding of the world.  They simply repeat and recite and memorize to pass tests, write essays, and pass with a decent grade.

I will not reveal names of people nor the real classes in which I have felt banked, but I will say that I have felt “banked” in class before.  In one particular setting, I copied down as many notes as I could, read what I was supposed to, wrote what I was told to write, and listened to my instructor’s lectures.  I placed all this information into my brain and just left it there until it was needed.  In a similar way, I deposit money into my bank account and just leave it there until I need it.  Once the money is used, it is gone.  The chances of getting it back are less than slim.  In this class, once I withdrew the information needed for a test or a paper, what have I done to retain that knowledge after I needed it?  Sadly, I usually do not go out of my way to truly understand and grasp most information that comes my way.  I am a student who likes to see the “A”, and I do what it takes to see as many as possible.  But, I am not going to be graded in a job.  Nor will I be graded on my faith in Christ.  So, what’s the point, really?

I want to be growth-minded.  I am far too much of a perfectionist in everything.  God has been teaching me to let go of everything and leave it in His hands.  I have been fighting Him all the way.  I am tired of fighting, yet still I hang on.  Why?  Because I fear.  Lots of things.  I think this is really funny because I love adventures.  Looking back though, I realize that I prefer adventures in which I maintain some control.  Some adventure.

But, let’s return to education and a growth-mindset.  I understand that growing requires failing.  I hate that feeling.  But, I don’t want my mind to be a bank of information that I only keep until it’s needed.  I want my mind to be like the library in Beauty and the Beast, a place I can visit over and over again for both necessity and fun.  (Sounds silly, I know, but I happen to like libraries. J

        

Now I have questions…

Freire states on page 73 that “the teacher chooses the program content, and the students (who were not consulted) adapt to it”.  Should the student be consulted and why?  Why do we let the teachers choose what we should study?  When we choose a major in college, is it better for us to follow the four-year degree-plans for our majors as encouraged by our advisors or should we pick and choose whatever we think is best for the degree we want?

Grades, Learning, Success...What's Really Important Here?

As I am reading John Tagg's article "Why Learn? What We May Really Be Teaching Students", I feel like my Honor's Orientation class is returning to a subject brought up in the beginning of the semester.  Back then, we were questioning the definition and measures of success and wondering what really matters in college: grades or learning.  I believe learning is more important, but I think college professors typically use grades to measure how much the students have thus far learned.  From what I have seen, the Honors Program at JBU places more value on learning than grades--for which I am grateful--but what about the non-honors courses I am required to take?  And scholarships like the Arkansas Challenge?  I have to keep a certain GPA score to maintain those scholarships.  How do I keep my focus on learning when I need to make the grades that keep the scholarship that made it possible for me to learn at JBU?  What is the balance between qualitative learning and quantitative learning as Tagg mentions in his article?

ExCo vs. JBU

   This evening I explored the website of Experimental College (ExCo) of Haverford, PA.  This college is unlike any I have ever heard of before.  ExCo is student-taught and student-run and neither offers the students nor pays the teachers.  Their goals are “to connect people who share diverse interests in learning outside the classroom” and “to enrich [their] education by allowing [them] to share [their] knowledge, interests, and skills with each other in a cooperative and relaxed environment”.  At the bottom of their “Teacher Guidelines” page, ExCo encourages the teachers to experiment as much as they want: “ExCo is not just about learning unusual subjects,” they state, “it’s about a different kind of learning, too.”

   Unlike John Brown University (and many other colleges and universities in the U.S.), ExCo gives the students no credit or transcript.  The course catalog consisted of four courses: “Beginner Ceramics”, “Roman Baroque Art”, “The History of Punk Rock and the Role of Punk Rock in Contemporary Western Society”, and “SEPTA and the Real World: Getting Out, Knowing How, and Using the Resources We Have to Take a Break from Haverford”.  This program seems to be a place where one can “learn unusual subjects in a different way”.  Experimental College is just that—an experiment.  I do not understand how attending this place would prepare one for the real world, although I do appreciate their goal to bring different people with diverse interests and backgrounds together in order to learn from each other.  They seem to place more of an emphasis on learning and gaining knowledge than on career training and preparation.  Here at John Brown, the goal is to provide “an academic, spiritual, and professional foundation for world-impacting careers”.  JBU does focus greatly on learning through a Christian worldview (the Gateway Seminar, a required course for all new students, is specifically designed  to teach how to integrate faith into learning) yet also prepares its students for careers and graduate programs, something that ExCo does not seem to do.

   For this reason, as well as others, I do not think that JBU should adopt ExCo’s educational approach.  I do not believe one has to go to college for the mere purpose of learning from others and studying “unusual subjects” (is there any other way to describe that course catalog??)  I am attending college both to gain a strong foundation in the liberal arts and to prepare to serve God in the field(s) to which He has called me.  My other reason for rejecting ExCo’s approach are found within the “Teacher Guidelines”.  One of the questions is, “Somehow I managed to get into one of the top colleges in the country, but it was all a fluke.  I really don’t know enough about anything to teach a class.”  ExCo’s response is, “You don’t have to know everything to teach an ExCo class.  ExCo is about learning together, not necessarily leading or following.”  I personally view my teachers as mentors in their particular subject.  I want a teacher who can answer my questions or help me get started on seeking answers.  Moreover, I want a teacher who can and will tell the truth and point me toward the truth.  That is why I came to JBU—to learn the truth and be guided into the truth.

"What Say You?"

I am finished reading Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.  On page 188, Miller says, "There is no conflict man can endure that will not produce a blessing."  I am not so sure.  What about Adolf Hitler or Osama bin Laden or Herod from Matthew 2?  What blessings came from the conflicts in their lives?  I was relieved as anyone else to learn of their deaths, but they are in Hell now.  How is that a blessing for them?  (Perhaps I am being extreme on this, but other examples would be either too close or unknown to me.)

Chapter 29 is titled "The Reason God Hasn't Fixed You Yet".  The difference between stories and reality, Miller explains, is that stories have climaxes, relief of tension, and a "happily-ever-after".  Real lives do not have those moments.  Miller says that "the reason we like stories so much is because they deliver wish fulfillment" (page 200).  As much as I love stories with their climaxes and happy endings, I have to wonder...should we allow ourselves to escape to a reality that we will never know?  Christians, if Jesus Christ is our ultimate fulfillment, why do we feel the need to escape to the non-reality of stories, especially if these stories leave us dissatisfied with our own lives?  Or are some stories meant to inspire us to pursue a better life in Christ?

Lost in the Crowd

   Due to an unusual health-related experience I had last Thursday evening, I had to travel with my parents to an overnight speaking engagement they had agreed to do.  (They wanted to keep me and my health under their watchful parental eyes. :)  While there, I was able to sit with the crowd and hear my parents speak about relationships and marriage.  While it was pretty cool to see and hear my parents work together like that, I felt so out of place.  I was the only single person in that room.  Everyone else was married, engaged, or seriously dating.  Most of them were college students as I am, but I felt like a high schooler.  I felt shy and afraid of being seen as a tag-along.  I have no idea why I felt uncomfortable.  Everyone I talked to was so nice and welcoming.  Yet, I still felt out of place.  It could be because I still was not feeling my best, but I began to think of all the other times I have felt lost in the crowd.
   I am a very shy and reserved person (though my recent experiences in drama have helped me overcome the shyness a bit) and a people-pleaser.  I hate confrontation.  I hate being the new person in a group of people who know each other.  Nine out of ten times those people will talk with each other instead of trying to get to know me.  I feel that in my old church youth group, I had to struggle to become friends with the people I saw most often.  I was home schooled and loved it, but knew very few other people in my youth group who were.  The people I liked the most, I saw the least.  Before I moved from Texas, God enabled me to let go of the people I was trying to be friends with and pointed me toward friends who would support me and whom I could support.  I'll be honest.  I was trying to get into the "in-crowd" at church.  Not that these people were mean or snobbish–they were simply unaware of my insecurities.  And truthfully, I don't remember wondering about theirs.
   I have rarely felt completely accepted into a group of people.  I feel that I have hopscotched around from group to group for a great portion of my life.  This has made me fearful.  I am fearful of polite people who smile and ask, "How are you?" when they see me yet do not go out of their way to include me.  Whenever I was around my friends who went to public school, I felt lost and ignorant when they discussed their doings in school.  Oh, I would ask what public school was like and try to understand their lives, but I could not.  It was so different.  Sometimes, I am so confused that I give up listening.  Then, when I am ready to jump into the conversation, I remain silent because I feel that I have nothing to offer.  When interacting with people of different backgrounds, I fear looking like a fool when I ask about something that only I don't understand.  I am afraid of being the intruder, the busy-body, the tag-along that no one wants.  I, the redeemed daughter of the King of Kings, am just plain afraid of the crowd.  Although HE has more than accepted me, I cower and weep because I want to be accepted and loved by people I fear.
   Over the last few years, God has shown me both sides of the "acceptance/rejection issue".  He has made me aware that there may be people who feel just as lonely and unwelcome as I do–perhaps more.  I feel convicted whenever I ignore someone who appears lonely.  I don't think God wants me to throw away my new friends in order to be a friend to the friendless or something.  I just haven't figured out a way to balance the two.  My school schedule is so rigorous that I feel I barely have enough time to take care of myself and spend time with my new friends.  Let alone go seek out more people.  But, if I have truly given myself up to Christ, shouldn't I just let myself be led by the Holy Spirit and not worry about this?
   Looking back over all my experiences with people, I realize that God has blessed me with unexpected friends if you will.  I was not looking for these friends nor do I believe they were exactly looking for me.  I remember reaching out to one girl thinking, "She looks like she needs a friend."  It turns out that I needed her friendship.  (Our God has a sense of humor–don't try to tell me otherwise!)  These unexpected friends did not take God by surprise.  He knew I needed them, and that they needed me too. I am not the only lonely person on the planet.  I pray that God will continue to shape me into an includer, a person who is bold enough to speak out on the behalf of others yet who is sensitive to those who need. Jesus befriended the friendless.  I cannot call myself His follower if I do not let go of my fears and shyness and do the same.

Dreams and Reflections

         Before you write your response, I want you to do something.  I want you to go outside.  I’m not going to say for how long, because this isn’t something to check-off your list.  I want you to go outside and just be for a little while.  Be.  Listen.  Be.  For this activity, I don’t want you to be with anyone.  Be by yourself for a little while.  Really allow yourself to BE with yourself (this may sound odd…but seriously, I want you to do this).  And as you sit with yourself, I want you to ask yourself this question:  What is my dream? What is that one thing that makes me feel most alive––the most alive that I have ever been?

         And I want you to be real honest with yourself.  Don’t listen to the voices in your head…don’t listen to the pressure you feel from either yourself, your parents, your friends, or any other source.  I want you to listen to your heart.  To truly listen to your heart.  And then after you have spent time with yourself…I want you to go back inside and write.  Write about it.  Write about your dreams, your fears.  Write about whatever tugs at your heartstrings.  Just write.

         The above is the blog prompt my Honors Orientation instructor gave us this week.  (I know it makes this post really long, but I felt the need to add it.)  Quite interesting, don’t you think?  Regardless, I did go outside and sat on the 101 steps for about an hour.  I was praying for a quiet heart and mind, and was growing slightly anxious because I was not hearing any response from God.  I do not want a dream that does not line up with His will, so I asked Him to I wanted Him to tell me what my dream is.  And I started to think about how I am always desiring to follow His path and speaking passionately about living for Him alone, but my inner life is so reluctant to do just that.  I came to the conclusion that I know and accept the concept of a sold-out life for Christ, but I have yet to learn how to put this into practice.  If I spent the rest of my life learning to become more and more set-apart for Him, what would my dream be?  The answer is…I don’t know.  I am not sure that I have a definite goal-oriented dream for my life right now.  And I feel a little pressured by the question above to have that kind of dream.  I feel that I am supposed to know what I am going to do with my life.

         Then again, the question does not ask what I am going to do with my life after I graduate from college.  It asks, “What is my dream?  What is that one thing that makes me feel most alive—the most alive that I have ever been?”  Near the end of my outdoor time, I felt God tugging my heart toward a life of worship.  Whether I am leading in church or dancing/singing/acting in musical theater, I want to always have an attitude of adoration to my King.  I am a little frightened that I will not be able to support myself in this, and that I’ll either be forced to take a second job just to pay the bills and buy the groceries or be unable to find such a job.  But, the Lord is asking me to trust Him, and how can I say “no” to the One who poured out His blood for me?

            I am sensing a tug in another direction as well.  Actually, it is the same direction, but I am not entirely sure how to describe it.  Here goes…I have a heart for children.  Whether I ever marry or not, I want to be a Christ-like shepherd of all the children in my life.  I want to guide them in their ever-growing faith; I want to encourage them to take on the totally set-apart life for Christ that I am pursuing.  I do not know how this will look.  Will I marry and adopt many children in addition to having my own, or will I be like Amy Carmichael—missionary, single woman, and adoptive mother?  Who knows where God will lead me?  This question both scares me and excites me.  I want to follow my Prince wherever He goes and serve Him in everything I do, but I am afraid to lose myself in Him.  But, when I do give up my identity for His, can you imagine all that can be accomplished through me by His name?  I can’t!  And now that I think about it, I think my biggest dream is to do the impossible, the unimaginable, and the incomprehensible—all in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord!


Questions:

In A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, Donald Miller states in chapter 21 on page 125, "...a story is based on what people think is important, so when we live a story, we are telling the people around us what we think is important."  If you are a Christian, think like a Christian when answering this question: Why should we get to decide what is important and what is not?  How can we determine what is important/unimportant?  Also, in the beginning of chapter 24, Miller discusses how the epic stories contain two elements.  First, "the thing a character wants must be very difficult to attain...There needs to be a question as to whether the character will make it, whether he will defeat the enemy or the enemy will defeat him (page 156).  Second, "the ambition had to be sacrificial.  The protagonist has to be going through pain, risking his very life, for the sake of somebody else" (page 157).  I want to know how we move from "practice stories" (see chapters 22-24) to epic stories.  Do we need an inciting incident or self-motivation?  Or, if the two are combined, what do they look like?

Audiences of Many Versus an Audience of One

        Christians are caught in the middle of an ongoing battle of performing for an audience of One (lively solely for the Lord) versus many different audiences (succumbing to the temptations of the world).  Below is a brief, general summary of some of the audiences for whom college students perform.
We college students feel so pressured to perform their absolute best in school because they are trying to prove to their parents, teachers, friends, (potential) employers, pastors, and Bible study leaders that we are brilliant, that we can stand strong and alone, and that we have what it takes to succeed, whatever that looks like for the individual.  In front of our parents, we want to show that we are becoming mature adults and are no longer children.  We perform for our teachers, trying to receive the best grades in order to graduate with the most prestigious degree so we can thus land the highest paying job.  Before the people we meet in the church, we toss around the “Christian lingo” and put on the “happy Christian face”, trying to make them believe that we are stronger in our faith than we really are.
With this in mind, how do we say, “I live before the Audience of One.  Before others I have nothing to prove, nothing to gain, nothing to lose” (Guinness 77)?  Performing for an Audience of One, I think, takes form in reckless abandonment to the Lord, or in other words, devoting every moment of my life to Jesus and sacrificing all my goals, plans, and dreams to the One who gave His life for mine.  And sure, this all sounds good, but incorporating this mindset into daily life requires discipline.  This is where the praying without ceasing enters.  We must learn to quiet our minds and be still so we can hear the Holy Spirit’s voice.  We will not achieve this overnight, but the more we practice letting go of ourselves and setting our hearts on Jesus, the more we will forget about the other audiences and truly begin to live only for our Lord.
I would like to close with two questions.  First, what are some spiritual disciplines that help us to quiet our minds and hearts so we can hear God’s voice?  Two, how did the idea of people pleasing originate?

A Couple of Questions

In the chapter titled "Everyone, Everywhere, Everything" of Rising to the Call, Os Guinness discusses the "Catholic distortion" and the "Protestant distortion" of the concept of "calling".  The "Catholic distortion" elevates the spiritual above the secular while the "Protestant distortion" stresses the importance of the secular at the expense of the spiritual (pages 26, 35).  In other words, the "Catholic distortion" values a life devoted to serving God by giving up all worldly things (think monks and nuns or even people who think in order to show true devotion to God they need to become pastors or missionaries).  On the other hand, the "Protestant distortion" interchanges "callings" and "vocations" with "occupations", "jobs", and "trades".  Well today there are thousands of corrupt and  even some evil jobs (the sex trade, for example), but does this mean that those who engage in those jobs are "called" to do so?  I think not.  My real question is, are we called to specific occupations, such as pastoring, parenthood, doctors, grocery check-out clerks, or custodians?  Or, are these jobs placed in our paths so we can come closer to fulfilling our true calling?  And if that is the case, how does someone with a "menial job" (our society would call groundskeeping menial) discern his or her true calling?

"Spiritual Homework"

        In his book, Rising to the Call, Os Guinness quotes Oswald Chambers on pages 39-40: “The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him.”  Chambers is saying that we Christians can become so caught up in our efforts to serve Christ that we forget to grow our relationships with Him.  Like Martha in Luke 38-42, we focus more on doing our work right and forget to sit at His feet.  We become trapped in the performance cycle, following our routines and repeating our lines over and over and over again until they no longer have any meaning.  Instead of coming to our Lord and Savior to learn, grow, and rest, we continue on our own strength until we crash and burn.  Though we remember Whom we are serving and acknowledge His presence, our services to Him have turned into “spiritual homework”, something we have to do rather than something we want to do in response to His goodness.
        We Christian college students provide excellent examples of this concept.  Though our desire is to follow the example of Jesus and honor Him in everything we do, we have the wrong approach.  We forget that Jesus took time to rest and pray and seek the will of His Father.  Instead, we think that we are to be always doing something productive, so we join as many missions as possible and all but completely give up on proper rest and nutrition and, most unfortunately, our personal time with God in order to complete homework.  After all God is honored by hard work and evangelism, right?  Yes, but there is a balance.  Our personal quiet time with Jesus enhances our service to Him.  As we grow in understanding of Christ’s immeasurable love for us, our desire to serve Christ will become a response to His love instead of a “Christian requirement”.

This Is My Story...

Everything I said in my last post was called into serious question when my family and I moved from our beloved Texas to Northwest Arkansas.  God had called us up here for His own purposes and we would not ignore Him.  Though sad about leaving all my grandparents, closest friends, and Christian Youth Theater, I was excited about the adventure and left with total confidence in God’s perfect plan.

            Little did I dream of the extreme loneliness I would feel during our first year in Arkansas.  Not a clue did I have of the onslaught of stress over my school work.  Nor was I prepared to face a season of depression during my last year in high school.  The most painful part of remembering these experiences is how I responded to them.  I knew the answer to all of these problems was to lean into God.  But in my pride, I thought I could discover a way to win these battles in my own strength.  How hypocritical and foolish of me!  I despised myself because I wasn’t nearly as good as I wanted to be.  Actually, I was unhappy because I couldn’t be perfect.  During this season, I slowly came to understand how often I try to control my life and “be good” not because I want to please God, but because I wanted to show off.

            I had to make a decision on how I was going to live for the rest of my life.  I could own and work toward my dreams, stressing over everything all the way, and perhaps never realize them.  Or, I could release them back to my Lord and let Him provide for me as He has always done in the past.  When I was lonely, He comforted me with His love, and He led me and my family to a church devoted to authenticity and loving all people.  When I was stressed, He sat next to me and gave me the wisdom and strength to work through every academic issue.  When I was depressed, He stepped in with all His power and cast Satan out of my thoughts.  I have chosen to live every moment in His presence.  I am still far from total success.  Every time a stressful situation has come up, I have to say no to the stress that wants to bubble out of me.  But, the true war in my story is already won, and Jesus has the victory.  To Him be all the glory.

            Moving to Arkansas was one of the hardest things my family has ever had to do.  Yet, if we had stayed down in good ole’ Texas, where we were known and loved and comfortable, how could we have grown?  How could we have learned to trust God for every provision?  These past two years up here forced me to answer one of the most crucial questions in a Christian’s journey: How will you take ownership of your faith?

The Elements of My Meaningful Life

Donald Miller writes in chapter 8 of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years that the essence of a good story is “a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it” (page 48).  As a Christian who was once chained to my sins, I yearned for salvation, but I could not get it for myself.  Jesus chose to pay the cost for my freedom so that I could receive this salvation as a gift.  Now, that I am free from my chains, what do I want?  My story is not yet over.  What am I pursuing?  I think there are several responses to this question.  For instance, I could say that I am a music major pursuing a Bachelor of Arts degree in vocal performance.  Or, I am a college girl and honors student who wants a good education.  To what end?

To answer this question, I need to think about what it means for me to be a Christian.  I believe a Christian is a person who has accepted Jesus’ gift of salvation, who confesses with the mouth that Jesus is Lord, who desires to know Him better and better, and who wants to glorify Him in every thought, word, and action.  I do desire to know Jesus better and to praise Him in all that I speak and do.  In order to do this, though I must overcome my tendency to rely only on myself.  I must ignore my impulse to take over my life and follow my own rules.  How is this possible?  I must choose to actively pursue a relationship with my Prince, through prayer (conversation with God), through reading the Bible (His story and His love letters to me), through worship (basking in His presence), and through service to others (His image instead of mine).

Why is this my goal?  Why am I spending so much time pursuing Jesus?  I am free from my sins and I am not going to hell, so why cast myself aside for this God?  Jesus is the gateway to salvation.  If I walk through the gateway, but continue to live for me, myself, and I, then I essentially accepted the key to unlock my chains but I did not use the key.  I do not want to live bound to a chain for the rest of my life, so I must let God unlock the chains and lead me out of the dungeon.  But, what truly astounds me is this: Jesus did not have to die.  God could have easily killed off Adam and Eve and started over.  But, He didn’t.  He chose to die to set me free, even though I was a rotten sinner who scoffed at Him.  God must be madly in love with me.  I definitely want to know Him better.

What Do You Think? (Honors Orientation Blog Post #1 Part 2)

"It didn't occur to me at the time, but it's obvious to me now that in creating the fictional Don, I was creating the person I wanted to be, the person worth telling stories about.  It never occurred to me that I could re-create my own story, my real life story, but in an evolution I had moved toward a better me.  I was creating someone I could live through, the person I'd be if I redrew the world, a character that was me but flesh and soul other.  And flesh and soul better too."
(Miller, Donald. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Thomas Nelson, Inc.: Nashville, 2009)

Is this re-creation of self realistic?  In the long run, what is the "better, fictional Don" going to do?  How can he make an impact on the world if he doesn't exist?  And who really has the power to transform himself/herself?  Us or God?  When we accept salvation, do we sign a contract saying that we will reform, or do we allow the Holy Spirit to renew our hearts, souls, and minds?  I just don't see where Miller is going with this season of "re-creating himself".

MyLife, MyMovie, MyScene - Honors Orientation, Section C

  My life a movie?  Who would make a movie out of my life?  How would they portray my thoughts and internal battles on the big screen?  Though I have certainly had my wild adventures, most of my life has been pretty quiet.  But, if my life were a movie, the story would revolve around my faith and my love of music and how the two came together into a passion for worship.  One of the most significant moments in my life regarding worship occurred about three years ago.  My movie could not exist without this scene.
  My family and I went on a mission trip with our church in Texas to Costa Rica in the summer of 2008. The Sunday after we arrived, we attended a church that was hosted in a garage.  Actually, it was a small shack built from all sorts of metals and wood and I don't know what else.  The day was cold and wet, and the church was packed.  I was nervous and uncertain of what to expect.  I had no idea how to minister to these people or even how to communicate with them.  I felt so awkward and out of place; I admittedly wanted to go back to the seminary where we were staying.
  My friend's uncle is a missionary in Costa Rica, and he translated the sermon for us.  Of course, the worship was in Spanish, led by a group of teens.  One lady shared about the reconciliation between her daughter and herself, a baby was dedicated to the Lord and the church, and another woman read the story of the wise man who built his house on a rock.  The pastor welcomed us North Americans and shared how the church was started.  He told us that opportunities to serve God are precious, and we need to take advantage of them.  After the sermon, we were served Coca-Cola and cookies.  I was so touched; they have so little yet give us their best.  
  By this point, my attitude had changed.  I had opened my heart to the Lord's work, and I was incredibly blessed by the pastor's words and welcome.  The service ended with praise music and dancing!  Several of us joined the group in the dance, including me.  I still felt slightly awkward at first, but through God's grace I was able to let go of myself and worship Him with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  We laughed and sang and raised our arms and danced and laughed again and again!  Suddenly, I heard a voice whisper in my heart, "This is what heaven looks like."  People joyfully worshipping our Savior with no regards to language barriers, smelly shacks, cold rain, or anything else.  All that mattered was that we were holding nothing back in our worship.
  I was surrounded by the people I had come to serve; instead, they served me.  They reminded me that the church is made of people, that God really is everywhere, and that we can worship Him anywhere.  We were told a couple of days later that the pastor asked for our names so he and the congregation could pray for us by name, and I wanted to cry.  Whenever I think about the dance session in Costa Rica, I want to jump up and down and dance around the room because I can hardly wait to sing and dance before the Lord with my brothers and sisters.  I am so grateful that God removed my fears and drew me into His presence.  I have never been so unashamed in my life.  I want that state of mind and heart back. "Thy Kingdom come.  Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven."  Come, Lord Jesus!

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